It is often whispered among wise women, that if you only read one book about menopause then let it be Red Moon Passage by Bonnie Horrigan
In her quest for the true meaning of menopause and to learn about its secrets and power, Bonnie Horrigan met with several renowned strong wise women who shared their wise knowledge and experience about the passage to power in Red Moon Passage.
In the following excerpt, Bonnie meets with the wonderful Apache Elder Kachinas Kutenai, who gives a glimpse into a ceremony most of us would likely have missed growing up, it is the Apache Becoming-a-Woman ceremony. Kachina guides us through the beginning initiation into womanhood so we may gain a better understanding of the initiation of menopause.
In her quest for the true meaning of menopause and to learn about its secrets and power, Bonnie Horrigan met with several renowned strong wise women who shared their wise knowledge and experience about the passage to power in Red Moon Passage.
In the following excerpt, Bonnie meets with the wonderful Apache Elder Kachinas Kutenai, who gives a glimpse into a ceremony most of us would likely have missed growing up, it is the Apache Becoming-a-Woman ceremony. Kachina guides us through the beginning initiation into womanhood so we may gain a better understanding of the initiation of menopause.
In April 1992, I visited Kutenai in her home in San Diego, and asked her for traditional Apache insight in the menopausal phenomenon. As we sat in her study —a small room containing two comfortable overstuffed chairs, a desk, a floor lamp, and numerous Native American artifacts —she shared a few of her favorite possessions. Sage smoldered in a smudge pot. An eagle feather hung on the wall above her head. On one level the room was very small, but for whatever reason, I had the distinct feeling that it was much larger than the walls led me to believe.
As I looked into Kutenai’s deep brown eyes, I saw many things: tall grass blowing in the wind, a fire, a buffalo robe, a soaring eagle. Clear, cold water flowed down the side of a mountain. I saw a wide blue sky. A blazing sun. A piece of turquoise. Her pupils sparkled and briefly, fleetingly, a circle of ancient ones danced to the sacred drums.
Enthralled, I looked again, but simply saw brown eyes.
Kutenai is no stranger to menopause. She experienced the transition after a hysterectomy in 1974 and has now worked with numerous women to help them successfully complete the passage into what she calls ” Grandmother Time.” I wanted Kutenai to tell me about his Grandmother Time, but she shook her head and said she had to begin at the beginning. “In order to understand spring, a person must know winter and summer. To understand menopause, you must understand fertility. And to understand fertility.” She told me as she crossed her arms and settled back in her chair, “you should dance the Sunrise Dance.”
At first I felt disappointed that she wanted to talk about fertility when I wanted to discuss menopause. But as Kutenai spoke, I began to realize that the two states of being are connected in ways I was only beginning to fathom and that for many women, making the Red Moon Passage would also involve coming to terms with fertility in a new way.
What follows is the conversation Kutenai and I had the day that I learned to honor Changing Woman and how to see the world through the eyes of an eagle.
As I looked into Kutenai’s deep brown eyes, I saw many things: tall grass blowing in the wind, a fire, a buffalo robe, a soaring eagle. Clear, cold water flowed down the side of a mountain. I saw a wide blue sky. A blazing sun. A piece of turquoise. Her pupils sparkled and briefly, fleetingly, a circle of ancient ones danced to the sacred drums.
Enthralled, I looked again, but simply saw brown eyes.
Kutenai is no stranger to menopause. She experienced the transition after a hysterectomy in 1974 and has now worked with numerous women to help them successfully complete the passage into what she calls ” Grandmother Time.” I wanted Kutenai to tell me about his Grandmother Time, but she shook her head and said she had to begin at the beginning. “In order to understand spring, a person must know winter and summer. To understand menopause, you must understand fertility. And to understand fertility.” She told me as she crossed her arms and settled back in her chair, “you should dance the Sunrise Dance.”
At first I felt disappointed that she wanted to talk about fertility when I wanted to discuss menopause. But as Kutenai spoke, I began to realize that the two states of being are connected in ways I was only beginning to fathom and that for many women, making the Red Moon Passage would also involve coming to terms with fertility in a new way.
What follows is the conversation Kutenai and I had the day that I learned to honor Changing Woman and how to see the world through the eyes of an eagle.
Kachinas Kutenai
THE SUNRISE DANCE
THE SUNRISE DANCE
In the Apache tradition, when a young girl comes of age and begins to bleed, she is welcomed into womanhood by her entire tribe. Her new fertility is an occasion for great joy and will be celebrated as such. Emergence into woman hood is too important an event to let pass unnoticed or barely acknowledged.
The Apache Becoming-a-Woman ceremony begins by requesting that your godmother, or another female of stature in the tribe, stand with you during the four days of celebration. The request is made by placing an eagle feather at your godmother’s door. If the godmother accepts, then she is agreeing to instruct you in becoming a woman.
You begin to fast. Your grandmother teaches you that you have started to bleed because you are now going to be a giver of life. It is a proud time. A special dress is made for you. Then your godmother shows you the ways of the ceremony and teaches you the steps of the dance.
The Sunrise Dance was born for the legends of Changing Woman, the ancient female ancestor who survived the great flood in an abalone shell to become the first Apache. After surviving the flood, Changing Woman was impregnated by the sun and gave birth to Monster Slayer, who in turn killed all the monsters and made earth habitable. According to our tradition, this is how the Apache Nation was born.
Each girl entering puberty dances to become Changing Woman, the proud giver of all life. First you dance alone. You absorb the power of the drumming and the chants. It makes you strong. Then you are given abalone shell to go over your third eye. This shell is to remind you that life is always changing. You aren’t supposed to get so set in your ways that you can’t make a 180-degree change. You shouldn’t be so rigid that you can’t evolve.
Changing Woman was so named because of her ability to transform from a young girl into an old woman and back into a young girl again. She could be one with her sister, White Shell Woman, or she could be a separate being. We should learn from these old stories. The universe is always and forever changing, so the ability to change is a good skill to have.
Now, during the dance, the young girl runs in the four directions while the community runs behind her. They do this to express their desire that the girl live through the four stages of life. It is the same type of expression and comes from the same beliefs that prompted ancient hunters to dance a hunting dance and mimic the desired kill before setting forth. It is powerful medicine. The ceremonial running is a reenactment of that which will come to pass in the future.
The tribe throws cornmeal, the substance of life, and sacred cattail pollen over the girl’s head. The wish that she prosper, be fertile, and live a full life. In return, the girl, acting as Changing Woman, blesses the tribe: I give you life.
Both dancing and fasting continue throughout the four days. When you fast you have visions about your future life. I remember that I saw clearly that would bear two children. A boy and a girl.
You are also given a walking stick. There is no connotation here of growing old or being debilitated. The stick will absorb the power of the ceremony and later in life it will offer you strength. When you climb mountains or cross rivers, as you walk, from time to time you need something to steady you and help you climb. This walking stick is what you give to your offspring. This is what is passed. I am sorry that every culture doesn’t have a ceremony. It’s a beautiful thing. When you greet a period in your life this way, there is something different about you afterward.
The Apache Becoming-a-Woman ceremony begins by requesting that your godmother, or another female of stature in the tribe, stand with you during the four days of celebration. The request is made by placing an eagle feather at your godmother’s door. If the godmother accepts, then she is agreeing to instruct you in becoming a woman.
You begin to fast. Your grandmother teaches you that you have started to bleed because you are now going to be a giver of life. It is a proud time. A special dress is made for you. Then your godmother shows you the ways of the ceremony and teaches you the steps of the dance.
The Sunrise Dance was born for the legends of Changing Woman, the ancient female ancestor who survived the great flood in an abalone shell to become the first Apache. After surviving the flood, Changing Woman was impregnated by the sun and gave birth to Monster Slayer, who in turn killed all the monsters and made earth habitable. According to our tradition, this is how the Apache Nation was born.
Each girl entering puberty dances to become Changing Woman, the proud giver of all life. First you dance alone. You absorb the power of the drumming and the chants. It makes you strong. Then you are given abalone shell to go over your third eye. This shell is to remind you that life is always changing. You aren’t supposed to get so set in your ways that you can’t make a 180-degree change. You shouldn’t be so rigid that you can’t evolve.
Changing Woman was so named because of her ability to transform from a young girl into an old woman and back into a young girl again. She could be one with her sister, White Shell Woman, or she could be a separate being. We should learn from these old stories. The universe is always and forever changing, so the ability to change is a good skill to have.
Now, during the dance, the young girl runs in the four directions while the community runs behind her. They do this to express their desire that the girl live through the four stages of life. It is the same type of expression and comes from the same beliefs that prompted ancient hunters to dance a hunting dance and mimic the desired kill before setting forth. It is powerful medicine. The ceremonial running is a reenactment of that which will come to pass in the future.
The tribe throws cornmeal, the substance of life, and sacred cattail pollen over the girl’s head. The wish that she prosper, be fertile, and live a full life. In return, the girl, acting as Changing Woman, blesses the tribe: I give you life.
Both dancing and fasting continue throughout the four days. When you fast you have visions about your future life. I remember that I saw clearly that would bear two children. A boy and a girl.
You are also given a walking stick. There is no connotation here of growing old or being debilitated. The stick will absorb the power of the ceremony and later in life it will offer you strength. When you climb mountains or cross rivers, as you walk, from time to time you need something to steady you and help you climb. This walking stick is what you give to your offspring. This is what is passed. I am sorry that every culture doesn’t have a ceremony. It’s a beautiful thing. When you greet a period in your life this way, there is something different about you afterward.
EMPOWERMENT
By becoming a woman, an Apache female is empowered. She is taught that she is a giver of all life and that this ability is respected and revered by her entire tribe. Feminine powers of fluidity, fertility, strength, and vision are ceremonially bestowed. All of womanhood is honored, from the powerful, ancient deity Changing Woman who gave birth to the first Apache to the thirteen-year-old mortal who is just starting to menstruate. After four days of celebration, any young girl would be hard pressed to forget the value of her role. A deep impression has been made. This is quite different from being secretive and shy and calling your new fertility the curse as so many white women say.
American women complain about having periods, and expound on what a nuisance it is. Can you see the inherent negativity? Curse? Rather than respect for life, there is disrespect. Rather than empowerment, there is suffering. Instead of celebrating the natural, you have taught yourselves to abhor it, to be diminished by it.
I think you white women have a lot to learn.
The transition from fertility to menopause is no different than the transition of puberty. It is a natural part of life that should be honored and celebrated. Traditional Apaches don’t fear menopause. Why should they? What is there to fear? Life is life and certain things are part of life no matter what we do. By resisting what is, we create problems.
American women complain about having periods, and expound on what a nuisance it is. Can you see the inherent negativity? Curse? Rather than respect for life, there is disrespect. Rather than empowerment, there is suffering. Instead of celebrating the natural, you have taught yourselves to abhor it, to be diminished by it.
I think you white women have a lot to learn.
The transition from fertility to menopause is no different than the transition of puberty. It is a natural part of life that should be honored and celebrated. Traditional Apaches don’t fear menopause. Why should they? What is there to fear? Life is life and certain things are part of life no matter what we do. By resisting what is, we create problems.
What is this new stage? I asked Kutenai. What is it that Changing Woman needed and what should we be celebrating when we move to the west?
This new stage we enter when we “move to the West,” this time of life we should be celebrating, is about increased wisdom. The Apaches believe that as traditional women grow older their spiritual powers increase. It’s important that women understand this and use this time of their lives and these powers correctly. A young girl is shown many wonderful feminine attributes in the Becoming-a-Woman ceremony. During her life she works to foster these attributes. After menopause, she loses her ability to be the giver of life in the form of human birth. But is that bad?
Only if one can’t experience change.
Grandmother Time has its own gifts and a woman in touch with herself will continue to be a giver of life, just on a different level. She will have increase power and increased vision. But I don’t mean that all women will experience this. I mean traditional women. I mean women who are following the old ways. You can’t expect to have spiritual powers if you are an alcoholic or on drugs. You have to be living your life correctly.
If you are living correctly, then as you grow older the power of your prayer increases. Your period has stopped but your force has increased. That’s why the role of the grandmother should be one of guidance. It should be one of advice and prayer.
Part of the reason for this increased power is that there is a decrease in sexual desire when you come into Grandmother Time. You are finally able to put sex into its proper perspective. You don’t need to have an orgasm to smile and your conversation is no longer filled with sex. I know a lot of women . . . it’s incredible what we will put up with and how we allow ourselves to be dominated with sex. I have to laugh when I think about how many of us put up with encounters that weren’t even worth it. That’s why I am teaching now that a half loaf of bread is not necessarily better than none.
When you stop being dominated by sexuality, when you stop being controlled by it, you view things differently. This is part of the change that happens naturally as you grow older. If we let it, that is.
Magazine articles, television shows, friends, lovers, family—American culture reinforces the sexual ideal as the pinnacle of success, even for older women who have gone through menopause. The “sexy grandmother” is promoted as being something worthy to strive for. I believe this emphasis is harmful. Growing old with dignity and grace should be our goal, and we should attempt to more knowingly embrace this wisdom. Some American women want to dye their hair and have liposuction—all these things are presented to the public as normal. But we know in our heart of hearts that they are not normal. We know that they are unsettling to our spirit. So you have to be strong.
This new stage we enter when we “move to the West,” this time of life we should be celebrating, is about increased wisdom. The Apaches believe that as traditional women grow older their spiritual powers increase. It’s important that women understand this and use this time of their lives and these powers correctly. A young girl is shown many wonderful feminine attributes in the Becoming-a-Woman ceremony. During her life she works to foster these attributes. After menopause, she loses her ability to be the giver of life in the form of human birth. But is that bad?
Only if one can’t experience change.
Grandmother Time has its own gifts and a woman in touch with herself will continue to be a giver of life, just on a different level. She will have increase power and increased vision. But I don’t mean that all women will experience this. I mean traditional women. I mean women who are following the old ways. You can’t expect to have spiritual powers if you are an alcoholic or on drugs. You have to be living your life correctly.
If you are living correctly, then as you grow older the power of your prayer increases. Your period has stopped but your force has increased. That’s why the role of the grandmother should be one of guidance. It should be one of advice and prayer.
Part of the reason for this increased power is that there is a decrease in sexual desire when you come into Grandmother Time. You are finally able to put sex into its proper perspective. You don’t need to have an orgasm to smile and your conversation is no longer filled with sex. I know a lot of women . . . it’s incredible what we will put up with and how we allow ourselves to be dominated with sex. I have to laugh when I think about how many of us put up with encounters that weren’t even worth it. That’s why I am teaching now that a half loaf of bread is not necessarily better than none.
When you stop being dominated by sexuality, when you stop being controlled by it, you view things differently. This is part of the change that happens naturally as you grow older. If we let it, that is.
Magazine articles, television shows, friends, lovers, family—American culture reinforces the sexual ideal as the pinnacle of success, even for older women who have gone through menopause. The “sexy grandmother” is promoted as being something worthy to strive for. I believe this emphasis is harmful. Growing old with dignity and grace should be our goal, and we should attempt to more knowingly embrace this wisdom. Some American women want to dye their hair and have liposuction—all these things are presented to the public as normal. But we know in our heart of hearts that they are not normal. We know that they are unsettling to our spirit. So you have to be strong.
Reprinted with kind permission from Red Moon Passage by Bonnie J. Horrigan www.bonniehorrigan.com @BonnieHorrigan